Day Four

Slow day for writing, good day for personal stuff. :-)

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The next week, Lindsey wrote and rewrote a thousand times what she was going to say to her father. She wanted to write what she would say to her mother if the talk with her father went well, but every time she started, she would find herself going back to rewriting what she would say to her father. For a brief period, she even considered telling her brother first, but she eventually decided her father may not take it well, her entrusting this secret to her eleven year old brother before him. Sadly, she knew he would be the most understanding of them. Her relationship with her other brothers were less solid. She could not remember a time when they actually got along. Despite being the oldest, Lindsey was prone to being picked on by Matthew and, to some extent, Fredrick. They were both physicists, and fit perfectly into the family mold. Nathaniel, with his chemistry, fit in well enough, but he was a lot more like her than they were.

Once Lindsey told her mother she and Brian were going to visit for the weekend, she couldn’t back out. At the last moment she could probably chicken out, and Brian wouldn’t begrudge her too much for that. But she couldn’t risk that. He certainly wasn’t happy when she wasn’t even planning to, he might tell them himself. Would he really do that? Lindsey’s head spinned as she pondered all the possibilities of what could happen over the weekend.

Maybe she should have told him not to come. She could still tell him not to come, and tell her parents there was a work emergency. They would love that. No, no, that wouldn’t help the situation at all. She just had to relax. Brian was right, she needed to tell them. She needed to move her life forward and she couldn’t do that until she told them. Maybe she could tell them they were getting married or having a baby. It would be a surprise, certainly, but a happy one. This was… Every time she went over their reaction in her head, she just couldn’t see it turning out well. Even her father, which was supposed to be the easier parent to talk to. She told Brian this, and he told her she was letting her nerves get to her. The same as when people who are afraid of flying imagine all the different ways it would crash and burn. She just had to stop thinking about it.

She unsuccessfully spent the week trying not to think about it, but the week still passed, as they tend to do, and it was time to go home. As they put their things in the car, Lindsey had a headache, and felt slightly nauseous. Strangely, it made her feel better. It was the same feeling she got every time she had to take a electrical engineering exam, hoping that this time, she would be good enough. As good as the rest of her family. And she remembered now, why she was doing this. So she could be happy. She wouldn’t be happy this weekend, but if she could endure this part, she could have the rest of her life to be happy, to be fulfilled. If she could get through this weekend, it would all be better.