Esmeralda's Work

Back from a long, long vacation. Here's the next part of my first draft of a novel. :-)

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Esmeralda reveled in her new job. It was terribly dull, but it was normal. It was everyday. Not having to worry about siblings that had the whole Upper Ward up in arms, and a mother who did little more than pretend to care was just fine for her. Cleaning dishes, wiping down the floors reminded her of her father, telling her stories, pretending he had a book in his hand to read from. Why it made her think of that, she wasn’t entirely sure. It’s not as though she had ever had to do this sort of work. Perhaps it’s because pleasant times lead to pleasant memories.

Those times were all before she understood the rest of her family. Occasionally she would wonder if her father was like the rest of them. Maybe if she had known him long enough… But she couldn’t believe that. He was her chance at being a normal person. A decent person. If she wasn’t like him, then maybe she was like them after all. Or maybe sometimes children just aren’t like their parents. But no, she knew she was like him. Just like him, and nothing like her mother. And nothing like her siblings. 

Thinking about all this made her realize that she wouldn’t be able to visit his grave this year. At least she wouldn’t have to listen to her mother’s comments about it. Amber never understood why someone would want to do such a thing. Esmeralda loved her, but her mind, and her heart, seemed to work differently. Perhaps it was too broken, but her mother seemed to see no purpose in a good heart.

Her mother would have come up with a plan by now. But Esmeralda, despite her initial resolve, couldn’t even decide if she wanted to come up with a plan. She couldn’t bring herself to end her lovely day-to-day living with a plot of any sort. Thinking past tomorrow was just stressful. At this moment, her mind was firmly settled into the realm of ‘They will not ruin my life or get me killed. They’re not worth it,’ but it was hard to say how long that would last.

What was her mother up to now? With all her children out of Fishery, would she go after them? Or maybe she wanted them all gone. Knowing her mother, Esmeralda knew if she did want her kids gone, it wouldn’t be because it was easiest, but because she had things to do and this worked with her plans. But there was another possibility. She didn’t want them gone, but she didn’t come after them because she didn’t care. It was an annoying little thought that kept trying to push itself to the forefront. Besides, even if it were the case with her or Mary, with the amount of attention she gave Curtis, it was hard for her to believe that she would just let Curtis go. But then, by the time Esmeralda left, her mother didn’t seem interested in finding Curtis. She was annoyed, and frustrated, but not looking for him. Esmeralda had never seen her mother like that before. Was she letting him go, and sulking about it? It seemed so…unlike her. But then, that’s why Esmeralda came, isn’t it? To find her siblings, and bring them back. Whatever she thought of her family, she still had this picture in her head of them coming back together, of being a family again. She knew they were bad for her. They were bad for anyone. She hated herself for wanting to feel connected to them. Even without being there, they could always ruin her day. 

The feeling would pass. Every day, as she spent more time with the Bergins’, she spent less time thinking about them. Each day that went by was one more that there was no contact, where she could relax a little more. And consequently, the Bergins’ began trusting her more. She could have gone her entire life without hearing from any of them again, and she would have been fine. Esmeralda, for the first time in a very long time, was happy.